Love in a Hopeless Place Becoming Hopeful
Every time that someone asks how Greg and I met, I can’t help but giggle a little bit. Why? Well, because there was nothing romantic about it, like the movies. But this is usually how I respond:
Ashamed Answer: Mutual Friends
Honest Answer: Greg ran into me in a crowded club and said something along the lines of, “oh hey… *exchanged a few words* can you wait right here? I really really have to pee”. And for some reason, I did. The rest is history.
I’ll never forget the first few months of our relationship, and by relationship I really mean “exchanges”. It consisted of us running into each other while out and about, but never planned.
I was a little bit in (what I like to call it) my “crazy girl” stage. The first few months of my freshman year of college. By crazy, I really wasn’t crazy at all, I guess I was just living life without a worrying too much about anything.
We texted occasionally and checked in on each other when time went by without running into each other, but neither of us showed dependency or pressure on the other to communicate on a consistent basis.
I think that’s why our relationship eventually developed into something more. There was no pressure to have it be “something”.
I am not going to lie, I was smitten with Greg. I was only 18 when we met, shortly after turned 19. The level of respect and appreciation that he showed for me right away was like nothing I could have ever imagined. He also shared personal life details with me sooner than I would have thought, such as his Dad’s battle with cancer, which immediately brought use close.
I remember sharing our text conversation with my college girlfriend over lunch in the cafeteria, like I was 12. Despite my excitement in Greg, I didn’t expect much to come from it, so I just took things in strides.
Shortly after the new year arrived, we started to hang out rather frequently outside of our night life, and we really hit it off. We still continued to take things pretty slow with no end goal in mind. We simply enjoyed each others company.
Fast forward to July and we finally started to explore titles, i.e boyfriend / girlfriend. But the dependency and relationship expectations didn’t change much (in a good way) because we already were exclusive.
Throughout the entire development of our relationship, we both talked very highly of each other but actually more highly of ourselves, confident in our futures with, or without the other. To explain more, we both felt that the other one would be silly to ever jeopardize what we’d built. It made the insecurities far and few in our relationship, despite juggling a long distance and rather “high profile” lifestyle relationship due to Greg’s career.
Greg loved himself enough to know that if I did anything to jeopardize the relationship that he would be just fine, he could move on. And that it would be my mistake.
I loved myself enough to know that if Greg did anything to jeopardize the relationship that I would be just fine, I would move on. It would suck, but I would be okay!
The most important thing in a relationship, in any relationship between two people (romantic or not) is loving yourself wholly first. Before you can maintain other healthy relationships you need to be confident in who you are, in your life, in your capabilities.
The best lesson that I learned before getting married is that you DON’T rely on your partner for that confidence and happiness, you rely on yourself and a relationship with God. That is the true foundation of a healthy relationship – no matter how it started.
On bad days, I certainly lean on Greg for support. But, my mind and prayers say, “God, please give me the strength to get through this.” Rather than, “Greg, I am feeling sad, why can’t you make me feel better?”
Today Greg and I are happily married just a smidge over 2 years! I know that is just a drop in the bucket of years we have together, memories to share and hardships to overcome. Although they were two wonderful years and I believe the success of our relationship is the foundation that it was built on. (No, not really fun nights at the bar haha).
First: Self confidence and love for ourselves, which translated into a deep love for each other.
Second: A love for Jesus, which unites us morally and spiritually even greater.
Love CAN be found in a hopeless place. Just don’t go looking for it.
XO,
E
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